And I’ve never been more excited and curious about what  the coming months may bring.

Not only do I have volleyball and cheer and work and blah blah blah, but there is always the unexpected…which I still need to get used to expecting.

I remember how last summer treated me. Going to the pool with your friends is fun and relaxing on its own. But add in the possibility of a cute boy, and the whole pool scene changes…

The main reason we (my friend and I) went to the pool that day was mostly about updating that lingering tan we both owned.

We arranged our chairs just so, allowing the sun to hit us at the perfect angle.

We grabbed a couple of freezer pops at the concession stand to refresh.

We hit the big slide a time or two just to get a moment of adrenaline.

And after all was done, we layed our towels down, slathered on the bronzing cream and enjoyed our summer.

BUT WAIT.

“You obviously see that boy over there, eyeing me,” I said to her.

“You’re just making things up,” She replied.

I really wasn’t though. Did I make up the fact that he somehow later that day got my number and texted me? Did I make up the fact that he really had been looking at me and found me quite attractive?

I remember the excitement that filled my heart that night when I was in the car and a text popped up from an unknown number.

I loved the idea that there was such nerve and decision behind him getting my number, and taking a chance.

I know I would’ve never done what he did. Being somewhat shy, I would’ve let the moment pass.

This boy and I actually got to know each other over the following months. After a break for a couple months, we were back at it and fully dating.

And what a surprise considering I had no intentions of finding a cute boy that day at the pool.

So, with that in mind, I feel giggly and happy when it comes to those long days and even longer nights.

Who I could I possibly meet next?

I was sitting in my living room, watching Charm School (disregard that please, there was nothing better on my tv) feeling very comfortable.

I was overly tired considering I had went to bed and woken up all in about a four hour time span.

Too bad my parents didn’t put this into consideration.

So then, while watching my nasty reality show, my parents walk in to chat with me. Chat with me on a normal day when I’ve had 8-10 hours of sleep, then you’re okay. Chat with me on four hours of sleep, you’re dealing with a monster, I will admit.

Instead of choosing to talk about the weather and plans for the coming week, they corner me with the topic of MY LEGS.

Now, I’ve always been in pretty good shape. I do pride myself on the bottom I have and I really can’t say I despise any top I have.

But, those great features come with work. Strenuous hours of volleyball from June through October, cheer practice late into the night, walks with my mom.

I’d like to think I’m not necessarily lazy.

Anyway, my parents think I need to get back on the fitness train.

“We have an eliptical sitting in the basement,” they said.

And we understand you’re busy, and it can be hard to find time, and blah blah blah.

I never said I wanted fat thighs. I didn’t take the time before bed each night of each week to pray to the gods that this happen to me.

But, I have fat thighs.

And so, after a bit of tears, a stomping up to my room, and a fresh powdering of my face, I headed off to work.

It was after being away from the parents and thinking to myself for a small time that I realized I agreed fully with what my parents had said to me.

I’ve never been in this shape and I have let it go by the wayside.

So, while at work, I had a revelation.

No, I would not have the cheese-sticks my co-worker had made out of pure love for everyone.

No, I would not drink the pop from the machine, although it did sound quenching.

Yes, I would bring home a taco pizza for my parents once clocked out, but No, I would not eat more than one piece.

And No, I would not give up on this one.

This wasn’t the first time I realized I’ve gained weight on my lower half. The difference is the fact that my parents took the time to interrupt crap tv and help me to understand.

So, now the future consists of a hopeful plan.

I will say yes to the following:

Yes I will walk the trail/eliptical and make an effort to do so.

Yes I will treat myself once in a while.

Yes I will watch my portions when it comes to the amount of Fruit Smiles and fresh cookies I consume each day.

And yes I will say no.

It just hit me that maybe I’m being way to unrealistic and this will go nowhere whatsoever, but I can only pray.

Maybe I am daydreaming, I thought. Never before had it felt like this to me.

But then, as I took the time to actually sift through the paper itself, I awoke from the daydream I was supposedly in.

The newspaper used to contain a few different sections.

• You had your main news section. This included local, national, and world wide.
• Accent always included all your lesiurely activities.
• Community could’ve been in the same category of accent (and in the future would be).
• Business and Money which would also be combined.
• And classifieds, full of everything people wanted to get rid of.

Now the newspaper once so full of information and knowledge cannot honestly be spoken about the same.

Nothing looks the same. Although some people believe change is a good thing, I disagree. Well, at least when it comes to The Gazette.

In a world where many of the population is struggling to get by, it seems rational to expect some cuts where money is involved.

I don’t feel, though, that this was the place to cut.

The newspaper is used as a tool of information, just as the computer and the phone.

I cannot count the number of days I have found out a problem I had no idea was occurring WAS OCCURRING through the magic of the newspaper.

For example, the day my mom read through the list of robberies which were getting closer and closer to our house.

Or the day when I couldn’t help but get sick to my stomach over the idea that a man would throw a baby over a bridge.

According to many, I’ve led a sheltered life. I think for the most part, I can see the world for what it truly is, thanks to the newspaper.

It opens my eyes, you could say.

Our local paper now weighs less then my pillow and to me, that’s too bad.

The world just may be falling apart.

All the advantages of being a junior make me antsy for it to start already! Leaving at lunch, PART, sitting on the senior side of seating during assemblies, different tables at lunch, and most of all, being an upperclassmen.

As I’ve spent the past two years at this high school, I’ve seen very clearly how much emphasis is put upon someone’s grade.

As a freshman and sophomore, the separation of under and upperclassmen is shoved in your face.  Where you sit in the lunch room is just one very silent but harsh way.

And, I must admit, at times I have hated on those “youngeons.” Sometimes I get the feeling that the younger classes try especially hard to impress those who are “hating” on them.

But at the same time, it’s gotten to me lately.

First off, maybe those older kids have forgotten what it was like to be young, naive, and scared poopless. Actually wait, they HAVE forgotten.

If they hadn’t forgotten that just two years before they were in that same situation having those same fears, they would change their ways.

They would walk with a less conceited aura, and help those around them.

I learned from an older boy, (and he is STILL a boy), that a lot of this may come from envy. Those approaching their exit of high school probably have one of two feelings: happy and hopeful or nervous for what the future may hold.  To those who are nervous, I suppose that is where the envy comes from.

Why would anyone want to leave what they’ve always known for the unknown?

As i’ve fought to figure out this phenomenon between the old and the young, to me it’s become quite clear.

Envy, just like jealousy can make people do crazy things. Including forget who they once were.

We’ve always been a close group of people. To me, you cannot choose your family and so with that comes the question of whether one will put effort into their family or not. I choose to apply some effort.

Sometimes my friends have questioned my dedication.

All those weekends spent at my brothers sporting events. Evenings watching my niece instead of completing that french worksheet. Walking the trail with my mom, discussing anything and everything for an hour after school.

As time has passed, and problems have arose, I may have questioned the tight bond, to be completely honest.

As close as we all are, it makes things that much harder when the ones I love are upset with me. You’re living with the upset.

My language arts teacher has taught me something this year called Cost-Benefit Analysis. To use Cost-Benefit Analysis, one must look at a situation and weigh the pros and cons. The good and the bad that will possibly arise from it.

I’ve always known that to be so close with my family is a good thing. In the end, my succession may also be theirs.

Lately, my little brother has been quite upset (and I’m living with it).

One of the neighbor boys has now taken an interest in me.  Texting me all the time. And to be straight forth, I get how that may be upsetting to my brother. Especially considering this boy has always been great friends with my brother. So last night, brother comes home.

“I beat [him] up,” he says.

Turns out he didn’t actually fight anyone.

“One single punch cannot be classified as you beating him up,” I laughed.

After a good nights sleep, I got to thinking of the whole situation. Never before has my brother acted like this. Protective is not like him.

The brother I know has always been quick to tell me what a cry baby I am, make fun of my music, and eat my candy without me knowing (obviously he’s not as sly as he thinks).

But now, I see it all. Look at how he’s acting.

It’s all because he cares.

Had our bond as a family not have been there to begin with, I know for a fact he wouldn’t have acted as he did.

And so, I am grateful.

My family will only help me to be a better person. I’ve already learned so much from them but also them from me.

I’ve always laughed when kids questioned or doubted the relationship with them I have. To me, It’s silly how obvious their envy shines through.

“I learned two things early on, my sister said. The first is don’t blame people for being the way they are. What’s the second? I said. She smiled. If they’re really stupid, she said, go ahead and blame them. It’s a really simple philosophy, she added.” 

Brian Andreas, who originally was born in Iowa City (how ironic?), has possibly changed my life.

With his quick and witty composure, I want to buy every copy ever published of his work, and spread the joy to the world.

One day, between my brother’s basketball games, my mom and I made a quick stop to Barnes & Noble. Excited over the fact I had a un-used gift card accompanying me , I was already floating.

First, I went to the teen section. Which bores me.

Next, the center aisles which you cannot avoid. They jump at you.

Nothing caught my attention though. Disappoitment started to flood my brain.

But wait! Just as I was passing the service counter, the heavens shown down. Brian Andreas, is known as an artist and sculptor. The book I came upon, gathered all into one.

With the many choices to choose from, I ended up coming home with “Strange Dreams.” Maybe it was the cobalt blue cover I was attracted to. Who knows.

‘Strange Dreams” is a compilation of his works. Or as many as he can fit into a 50-page book.

Ever since buying his book, things have happened. And they were bound to. Things are inevitable (not to be a pessimist). And i’ve come to realize, did Brian see my future? How can this book so perfectly match my days, feelings, moods?

He covers every topic. Love. Family. Emotions. Lizard brains.

Never before have I bought a book that I was willing to read over and over. 

I’m still sruggling to find the funds to buy out every copy EVER published. It may take a while. Though I’m not worried. I feel it would be worth while.

It consists of four different stations. One can get their tarot cards read, learn from their spirit guide what is in their future, have their shakra energies tuned, and also go through a session of reiki (which is healing through the palms).

Going into the day, my nerves were definitly jittery. Anytime i’ve been there before, i’ve always found out the truth about my feelings and my heart. And maybe what I did not want to hear.

Saturday, March 28th was just like the times before.

First, i approached the tarot table. As time passed, she asked if there was a conflict at home concerning a boy. There was. She asked if i dance. I do. How a woman can know all this information without me telling her a single word, made my heart happy.

To all those non-believers, tell me how THAT makes any sense.

Next was my reiki session. All it really consists of is breathing deep and allowing the energies to flow and rid of the bad. All I remember the woman saying was, let things go.

I cried at that.

I then moved on to the chakra session. When in a chakra session, there are different color stones. Based off these stones, one can tell where their body is weakest. Turns out my stomach was weakest. The stomach is also equal to personal identity and also, weaknesses and strengths within ones self. Add that to the lengthening list of things learned on March 28th.

My last move was to my clairvoyent. To me, this is where people start to question what’s really the truth. When speaking with a clairvoyent, they are actually speaking with YOUR spirit guide (because everyone does have a spirit guide). My spirit guide seems to think I need to open my eyes to new talents, such as speaking with spirits. With that said, some may believe it and some may not. All I know is, I believe it. And now, I’m going to open my eyes.

As the afternoon came to a close and my mom and I sat in Starbucks with our apple chai’s in tow, it was now time to digest what I had heard.

As we discussed what had been said, and what we would take away in the end, my mind centered on one thing.

Let things go.

And to all the people who helped me to see clearer that day, i have started to let go.

In the past month, not only has one gorilla attacked his owner, another gorilla also took the time to secretly plan out an attack against onlookers at the zoo he was placed at.

According to the New York Times, the one thing that has always been known to separate humans from the “animal world” is the ability to plan ahead or look to the future.

It’s a bit scary to see that maybe  after all humans and animals aren’t all that different.

Who’s to say that someday, animals such as gorillas (which often times are much bigger in size compared to us) couldn’t take the time and truly revolt? The National Guard is nowhere near prepared to fight off a humongous, hair-matted, fang-like teeth hanging out of the mouth, 200 lbs. minimum, THING.

The United States Army hasn’t been trained. Nor has the Marines. Or the Navy.

I’m just truly worried for the world’s population. Call me silly but it’s as if our priorities are twisted and tangled.

Human survival I thought was instinct. If people are put in a position or situation where they could be in danger, adrenaline kicks in and they’re pushed to the limit to make it through.

I just do not see why we don’t plan ahead for these things. Maybe, take notes from the big furry things. It’s always good to be prepared right?

At first i wasn’t listening. Half the time, those announcements are pointless. Prom committee is planning to make THEIR prom the best ever. Chess club is going to be in room 210 instead of 200 today. Someone please come move your car, it’s blocking the bus.

I guess things change when the authority makes sure to let everyone know that they are not allowed to be wandering. Since when do they make wandering out to be such a big deal? Never before.

Turns out some boy was feeling a little more anxious and frustrated then usual. Getting into a fight, making threats against people, makes sense to lock us down.

But, that upset me. Major.

The only reason i really even found out why all the drama came to be was because of the newspaper. THE NEXT DAY. Teachers were not allowed to explain to us why we were all of a sudden on lock down. In my opinion you could not be more idiotic. A school full of kids. Any one person with a brain would stop to wonder why our school is on lock down. And yet we had to wait A DAY to truly find out.

What if things had gotten out of control? What if the kid hadn’t been contained and taken away?

All i’m saying is, our school may have been taking precautions to keep us safe, but show me some respect and let me know what’s going on. NOT KNOWING only gave me that much more of an attitude when my teacher simply said, “its confidential.”